baking club at tina's..

latest offerings..

(above) gypsy loves south aux

(below) Finer's piece

(below) shout out to my boys in construction '08

happi motherz dae..

I got a bunch of texts yesterday from my hoodrats for Mothers Day. So sweet.
'happi motherz dae..I miss our tawks mum. love u.' said one..

From a kid whose Mum had passed away in sudden and tragic circumstances.
This time last year I was with him and his girlfriend in the day clinic at a local hospital where they had made the decision and informed me at the very last minute that she didn't want to become a Mum, and could I help?? We sat together looking out the window in the waiting room, and I just held their hands. Mercy, comfort..

Amazing the questions these kids ask in situations like that. They weren't afraid of their families finding out or the consequences..they were most terrified of God damning them to hell for all eternity. Ugh.

No, no my darlings. Did they forget to mention in your church that GOD IS LOVE? And you both need to know - God isn't church. We then took some time to imagine what God looked like. Something they had never done before. Open the eyes of our hearts God. While He may or may not have chosen a different path for you both, there is nothing you can do, nothing anyone can say, that can make Him love you less right now. Romans 8 anyone? He's got a plan and He wants to be with you in the midst of this. O yes, in the midst of the mess and the pain.

This beautiful girl went home with hugs to rest and this big, staunch boy collapsed in my car and began to cry. A few tears and sniffs. And then a torrent of gut-wrenching sobs that lasted for twenty minutes. He grabbed my hand, (making it darn impossible to change gears) and all I could do was tell him over and over - You are loved son, SO loved. This God that you have heard about knows you inside out, He knows your pain. He contains it all. He's not far away, He's in the middle of all this. He's safe, He's your safe place. He'll never abandon you son. And you are loved, He loves you, He loves you..

I hugged him before he went home. Tears that just wouldn't stop, big choking sobs. Please don't leave me miss, you're like my Mum, please don't leave me, please don't leave me..

It was Mothers Day that Sunday. He spent the time at his Mum's grave.

I can't imagine what it is like to be in his shoes, shunted from house to house, relative to random and for a while being homeless..missing family and his Mum, then having to face becoming a parent and then dealing with choosing not to be. Carrying burdens he's too young to shoulder, dealing with anger, self-harm and substance abuse...

A few weeks later he was kicked out of another relative's house and onto the street with nothing. I get a call at 10pm for some blankets and food. Sweet Jesus - just come home son. He tells me there was huge fight after he stood his ground and refused to go to church with these people.

And why? "Oh - that church doesn't talk about the God you told me about miss. He loves me aye. I don't want to waste time in a place that doesn't believe that.."

So to all my lil' ladies and my son's. You are loved something crazy you beautiful souls.

And thanks to my Mum for demonstrating what it means to be a vessel of complete, unconditional (tough) love. It costs. It hurts. But still we love.

Because we were loved first by an amazing God.

Happi motherz dae..

lest we forget..

On the eve of my birthday I've gotten quite philosophical and I think that the previous year is definitely worth getting over as soon as possible. I've spent the last few months laying low with chronic illness, sleeping and praying away my days and nights. I think I have a small idea now why some of the ancient hermits might have become quite wierd and eccentric when they only had their own company and the presence of God. Its been an interesting experience being alone so much.

So much has been broken down and I feel like I am in a chrysalis of change. I sure hope I can like myself at the end of all this. All the things that I held fast to or relied on have been stripped away. I'm constantly reminded of my bare heartbeat that just keeps crying out for faith and God. This place is like a furnace, all I can hold in the fire is my hearts desire to know who Jesus is, without religious trappings, without fearing other people, without being held back.

I've also thought about what tomorrow means. ANZAC day. Red poppies. Gallipoli. Flanders field. My grandfather's and their father's fought in the wars. One that is still alive is a decorated pilot, survived being a POW by escaping successfully and walking the length of France to get to England. These men suffered, sacrificed, kept their word and were loyal. In the face of such a ferocious enemy they had hope for change and for freedom, even when the end wasn't in sight, even when the odds of death were weighing in more than the likelihood of life. They must have had some vision of the future to hold onto because out of their faith and courage, evil was overturned and freedom was established.

I guess we all have our own battles to fight and get through. Its with hope that I can say this uncomfortable season of transition is going to yield something wonderful one day. Its hard when we can't see the end in sight, but I want to follow through seeking God out. I know He will follow through for me, He's done it before. He remembers and He cares. So its with that in mind I will enter my next year with praise in my heart.

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits,
who forgives all your sins (damage and brokeness)
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is His love for those who fear Him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has He removed our brokeness and damage from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him;
For He knows our frame, He remembers and imprints on His heart
that we are like dust.
-Psalm 103

So lest we forget what and who has gone before us. Lest we forget what our hearts have promised and believed. Lest we forget what God has given to us.

O this is the start of something good
don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
We can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet..
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what I'm holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
And what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
-Gavin Degraw

Kings of Leon - Use Somebody

Happy St Paddy's..

treat yourself to a lil' story...

Bradley Hathaway is my hero..

O.my.word. I literally just woke up when this guy started speaking in front of me this morning..

so close your eyes and listen.

You know you need one..