C-bomb..

So, Dad dropped the C-bomb. He has cancer.

I feel like I've been holding my breath for days and just cannot breathe out.

At first it felt like my world had completely imploded and there was this incredible silence while chaos erupted around me. Now there is pain, so much pain.

Utterly devastated. And yet, so thankful all at the same time. The dark night of my soul just got darker, but this grieving process encourages me to pursue Truth even more. Every day I'm looking at life from a perspective that holds greater colour, the smallest kindnesses are amplified, God's greatness is off-the-scale-amazing.

My Ma talks about the 'dazzling darkness', often people are too afraid of what they don't understand, or naturally run from what is too painful, however there is treasure to be found in these places that we will never find anywhere else.


My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in.

And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. -Ephesians 3v14-19


Its amazing to think that God's love is so great, so all expansive.. yet in reality how will we ever know that there is love and treasure to be found far out in the deserted width, or sunk low in the despair of the deep, but to be flung out into these places on our own and have to find it out for ourselves.

Its taken 28 years, but in the last few months my relationship with my Dad has been so healed. I realise that some people never get the chance to forgive, to love and be thankful.

For all its agony, this season is priceless. A treasure.


God, may this journey of sacred sorrow echo with your worth...